Terre Pruitt's Blog

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Tears Will Fall

Posted by terrepruitt on September 13, 2014

Dance Exercise, Nia, Nia at the City of San Jose, Nia classes in the South Bay, Nia Teacher, Nia Class, San Jose Nia, Nia San Jose, Nia workout, Nia, Zumba, PiYo, Gentle Yoga, Group Ex City of San Jose, San Jose Group Ex classesRecently I woke up singing Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry.  I just woke up and started singing it.  It was the first thought in my head.  I sang it most of the morning, then I thought,  “well, yeah they do . . . and there are a lot of reasons for big girls to cry.”  Then I thought of that meme you might know it.  I might as well voice my opinion on it.  That is what the internet is for, right?  People just throwing their opinions out there?  Well, if you would like to hear about mine please continue reading.  I wouldn’t mind hearing your opinion on this.  I have things to say about this little saying.  “No boy is worth crying over.  And the one who is won’t make you cry.”  Yikes.  I have an issue with this.  I truly think this sets a very unreasonable, unhealthy, and ridiculous standard.  Really?  We are telling girls that a boy is not worth it if he makes you cry.  Or he is not worth it if you shed tears in your dealings with him.  Wow!  I think I understand the POINT of this, but then again, since I understand the point of it, I don’t need a little reminder of it.  I am concerned that people who might need a reminder like this might take it literally without context.  Because if you think that anyone in your life that makes you cry is not worth it, then you might end up very alone.

I mean, there are as many reason that someone can “make” you cry as there are people.  It could be that you are having a stressful day and your emotions are a bit wobbly so you aren’t feeling very secure and your special someone walks in and says, “Did you do something with your hair?”  And since you are feeling insecure and you don’t like your hair at the moment you burst into tears.  It could be that your special someone had a very stressful day and walks in and says a little harsh, “Where is dinner?”  And you have been busy all day and haven’t even thought of it and you feel bad and that makes you cry.  It could be that your cat just died and EVERYTHING makes you cry.  It could be that you were just diagnosed with something so, again, everything makes you cry.  But since it is the boy who is doing the talking you think it is him that is making you cry.

It is not reasonable to think that humans interacting with each other will never cause tears.  If the boy you are interested in never makes you cry because he is so perfect you should go with him to the doctor to make sure he is not either alien or a robot.  That is why love is sometime wonky.  You, yourself have to be secure enough to know where the tears are coming from.  Are they coming from you–something going on with you or is the person you love really being mean.  And with you knowing yourself and being secure you can decide if that is something you want to put up with.  To say no boy worth crying over won’t make you cry is ludicrous.

I think it would serve people better — especially if your boyfriend / fiancé / husband is a highly paid athlete (!!!!) — if it said “No boy is worth letting yourself get hit/beat/dragged around.”  THAT would be a much better lesson to get out there and to preach.  The crying lesson is just not realistic.  People are going to hurt your feelings . . . it could be that you are being sensitive for whatever reason or it could be that he is being a jerk — it happens.  But does it happen all the time?  Is it something that YOU know is just him being an ass because he has something going on or does he do it all the time?  There is a difference between a once-in-a-while-I-am-being-sensitive-or-he-is-having-an-off-day thing and something that happens all the time.  So . . . he just might make you cry every once in a while.  But it should not be all the time and it should never be because he hit you.

But people are not perfect and someone who is “worth it” might just make you cry.  What do you think?

8 Responses to “Tears Will Fall”

  1. niachick said

    And it could be hormones. When I was going through menopause, I would burst into tears for no reason and poor Frank had nothing to do with even if he did say something about my hair! 🙂 It is a bit of a silly saying and I have heard it. And I, too, get the point of it, but it’s still not what we want our children going up believing. Thanks for posting. Ya know I love your posts.

    Like

  2. Lisa said

    So very well said. I agree 100%!

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  3. Sonja said

    good perspective Terre.

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    • 🙂

      I just saw somewhere that the quote was written by a 10 year old. Makes more sense now. Could be that 10 year old boys that make you cry are not worth it . . . . however, as an adult or even an older teen, it could be different . . . .

      Thanks for reading, Son!

      Like

  4. Definitely! Such a silly saying….and I do understand the intention behind the saying especially having experienced an abusive marriage. The right person brings tears of joy and tears of insight and tears of heart-felt love in which the emotion overflows. 🙂

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    • I love to cheer you for not being in that marriage any longer. Yay! And yes, the “right” person brings those kinds of tears (the ones you mention), but sometimes tears of anger and hurt . . . we are people the “right” person isn’t perfect and sometimes he does the “wrong thing” or as Jill mentioned there are hormones involved or one can just be sensitive. I just think it is unwise to expect the “right” person to never be the initiator of tears.

      Nice to see you here, thanks!

      Like

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