A Nia student of mine reminded me of something after a Nia Class the other day. She said her daily meditation said to speak with love AND to listen with love. I have heard that before I believe, either someone posted it on Facebook or a friend posted about it on her blog. I can’t remember. The speaking with love is not always easy, but I think of it as a more common thought, a more common instruction. It can be compared to the old adage “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” A well-remembered saying. Somewhat similar. Speaking with love would be saying nice things. But the listening with love or the hearing with love, that is a little less common of an instruction. I have not heard that one for as long as I can remember as I have heard the other one. I also think it is more difficult to do than to speak with love. I mean, like the old saying says, don’t say anything if you can’t be nice. But it is difficult not to hear someone. If someone is talking you general listen and hear them, but it could be a challenge to do it with love.
We all take our experiences into situations. Our thoughts and actions are based upon our past and what we know. So I believe that we hear and listen the same way. If someone has been in relationships where their partner has lied to them, then they might hear a lie in everything. They might be listening with distrust and anger, not love. If someone is having a bad day and someone says, “Have a nice day.” they might hear it as sarcasm. Whatever it is that we are feeling, thinking, and experiencing at the moment it can definitely “cloud” how we hear things. If we are not conscious of how we are listening we can make something out of nothing. If we hear and listen in anger, we could respond accordingly and cause a fight or hurt feelings. It is not easy to always listen with love. We all have “stuff” going on in our lives. Some of this “stuff” can make us sensitive and this sensitivity can possible make us read into things. Listen with love is a practice.
I can’t remember if what I am talking about was the focus of my friend’s blog post, but I do remember my comment including the association between what she was saying and the four agreements. Listening/hearing with love reminds me of “not taking things personal”. “Things” as I mentioned. If there is something going on in my life that is making me upset, I might listen and hear things in a negative way. Or if someone else is having a bad day and I am not listening with love, I might not stop to think, “Hey, maybe this person is having a bad day and instead of snapping meanly back at them, I should remember that we all have bad days.”
Clearly there are different ways we can take “listen with love”. When I hear that, these are two ways that occur to me. What do you think of when you hear, “listen with love”?
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