Since I’ve been teaching Nia classes our roles or our “duties” have changed a bit. Since I don’t get up at the crack of dawn any longer and I have more time at home, I try to do more. Because of this change I have been thinking a lot of one of my favorite stories. When I was working at a 8 to 5 job I was talking to a friend and the subject of marriage came up. She said she didn’t want to get married. When I asked her why, she said she didn’t want to do all the cooking and cleaning, she didn’t want to be stuck at home and not be able to go out, she didn’t want to share the finances. She looked at me so confused when I said, “Granack-ack!” Ok, I really didn’t say, “Granack-ak!” But the look she gave me would have made you think I was speaking Martian.
I had actually said, “Don’t. Don’t do all of that.” I asked her why she thought she had to do all of that and she said that is what marriage is. That is how it is. I laughed, kindly, of course, and explained that I didn’t cook every night, do his laundry, and stay home all the time. She kept looking confused. I kept talking. I explained that marriage is really whatever the two people getting married agree upon. Apparently that had never occured to her. Maybe she just really hadn’t given it much thought. I don’t know.
When I first met my hubby I told him I wasn’t going to cook every night, do his laundry, or be responsible for everything. Since I was working too, it needed to be even. We did a lot of things that might be thought unconventional in a partnership, but it worked for us. Every marriage is as unique as the two people who are married so there really is no set “norm”.
I believe the two need to be in agreement with how the marriage is going to be. It would not work if one partner thought going out every night was ok and the other one didn’t. If one thinks that dinner is going to be made and put on the table every night then the other one must be in agreement. If there is not agreement on the expectations and duties then there is going to be a lot of problems. And since marriage is not easy, since no matter what there are challenges, it is important that there is agreement on how it is going to work.
When situations change and different things come up hopefully there can be a new agreement reached, if necessary. The point is that people can make their own marriage however if works for the two in the marriage. There is no cookie cutter recipe.
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