Terre Pruitt's Blog

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Marriage Ruminations

Posted by terrepruitt on March 15, 2011

Since I’ve been teaching Nia classes our roles or our “duties” have changed a bit.  Since I don’t get up at the crack of dawn any longer and I have more time at home, I try to do more.  Because of this change I have been thinking a lot of one of my favorite stories.  When I was working at a 8 to 5 job I was talking to a friend and the subject of marriage came up. She said she didn’t want to get married.  When I asked her why, she said she didn’t want to do all the cooking and cleaning, she didn’t want to be stuck at home and not be able to go out, she didn’t want to share the finances.  She looked at me so confused when I said, “Granack-ack!”  Ok, I really didn’t say, “Granack-ak!” But the look she gave me would have made you think I was speaking Martian.

I had actually said, “Don’t.  Don’t do all of that.”  I asked her why she thought she had to do all of that and she said that is what marriage is.  That is how it is.  I laughed, kindly, of course, and explained that I didn’t cook every night, do his laundry, and stay home all the time.  She kept looking confused.  I kept talking.  I explained that marriage is really whatever the two people getting married agree upon.  Apparently that had never occured to her.  Maybe she just really hadn’t given it much thought.  I don’t know.

When I first met my hubby I told him I wasn’t going to cook every night, do his laundry, or be responsible for everything.  Since I was working too, it needed to be even.  We did a lot of things that might be thought unconventional in a partnership, but it worked for us.  Every marriage is as unique as the two people who are married so there really is no set “norm”.

I believe the two need to be in agreement with how the marriage is going to be.  It would not work if one partner thought going out every night was ok and the other one didn’t.  If one thinks that dinner is going to be made and put on the table every night then the other one must be in agreement.  If there is not agreement on the expectations and duties then there is going to be a lot of problems. And since marriage is not easy, since no matter what there are challenges, it is important that there is agreement on how it is going to work.

When situations change and different things come up hopefully there can be a new agreement reached, if necessary.  The point is that people can make their own marriage however if works for the two in the marriage. There is no cookie cutter recipe.

8 Responses to “Marriage Ruminations”

  1. niachick said

    I am grateful to live in a country where we are able to decide what we want to do and what we don’t want to do. Many women in other countries do not have even a speck of this luxury.

    I, too, have a loving and caring husband who probably splits a 60/40 with me. He does all of the gardening and outside work AND cooks. I do the house cleaning (when I feel like it)and am the cook’s clean up person!

    All hail the warrior princess!!!


  2. Boy! Ain’t that the truth! 🙂 Love the hands photograph. I think marriage is beautiful when it’s the right combination. You explain it wonderfully. 🙂


    • Marriage is hard work. You have to decide everyday to be IN it. Somedays are way easier than other. I am sooooooo happy you found Jason and his wonderfulness and wonderful family.

      Marriage beautiful.

      Thank you soooo much for mentioning the picture! I try to take and post good ones but I also HAVE to limit my time spent on them. (I used to spend way too much time.). So I do what I can. The models are me and my Wonder-hubby!


  3. My gosh but I do have hairy hands. Are you sure you didn’t marry a Wookie?


  4. suzicate said

    Above comments, you two crack me up…glad you didn’t run, you sound perfect for one another. yes, marriage takes agreement between the two people, and it is whatever works for them…but marriage truly is wonderful!


    • Oh, SC, I was worried at first. I really checked his collar, his arms are sooooooooo hairy and he had a lot of facial hair I was sure he was gonna be as hairy as Robin Williams. That man is hairy!!!!

      I think it is really important that the two getting married have an agreement of – what you said – whatever works for them.

      Thank you so much for visiting!


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