Terre Pruitt's Blog

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Posts Tagged ‘trachea’

Doesn’t Mean You Die Even When You Decide To

Posted by terrepruitt on April 1, 2014

HOLY MOLY!!!! Sigh. Ok, I feel that since I started it, I need to continue with it. Right? I mean, it is not my intention to make my blog all about death, but since I asked for love and support, I think it is only fair that I give you all an update. I sat with my mother in her hospital room for roughly seven days. During that time she was presented with an option that would have been extremely painful and risky. The surgeon gave three scenarios that could occur and two of them pretty much ended with immediate death, so she opted to skip the procedure and just spend her last days with a tube down her throat, unable to speak and unable to cry. She entertained visitors. Not many because it was exhausting to her. She also was asked to pick the day on which she would have the tube removed. The thoughts were that her trachea is so encroached with cancer and would be so traumatized by the tube that when they pulled it out she would not have much time before she died.

Regarding the procedure mentioned — for those that are curious — it was a stent. A stent was to be placed in the trachea. The idea was that it would hold open the collapsing trachea so that she could breathe. But, it would only be for a few days. The stent is not a permanent or even semi-permanent solution. It is also metal and rigid, it would not have flexed and moved. It would have been very uncomfortable/painful, because the trachea moves.

She did not want to go. She had a lot left she wanted to do. Knowing she couldn’t do ALL that she wanted to do before she died, she thought she could at least do SOMETHINGS. So she decided to have the tube removed on Monday. She made that decision on a Wednesday. It is MY belief that if she knew all that she would have to go through between Wednesday, March 26th, and Monday, March 31st she would not have picked that day. But she wanted to at least get her Easter cards written out. She also wanted to advise me of who gets what in the stack of Christmas gifts she already bought. She also wanted to spend as much time with her family as she could — who wouldn’t, right? But in order to do so she suffered a lot. The medical professionals taking care of her were always there to administer the drugs she needed so she wouldn’t be in pain, but those drugs made her groggy and unable to think clearly so sometimes I think she held off a bit. Plus the procedures that need to be done to allow someone to breath through a tube are not comfortable. So anyway . . .

Hand holding - for post 04.01.14We got to visit for several days. As I have said several times, she was unable to talk with the tube in her throat. She also was unable to cry because the contractions that happen when one cries caused too much pain. Normally I would not tell someone not to cry because crying is such a great release. I believe crying is good for the BMES – ha, yes, that is a Nia acronym. It helps clear the tear ducts and allows for a physical release. Crying helps clear the mind also. It is an emotional release as well as a spirit helper so to me, it is a good thing. So if you want to cry, cry — except while you are driving or you have tube down your throat and it hurts too much.

I was there until Friday night. I got home around midnight on Friday. I came home to do some laundry, teach a yoga class, do some paper work, and pick up my husband. We went back up Saturday night. We visited all day Sunday and waited around for 1:00 pm on Monday. We all were under the impression that at 1:00 pm it would happen. But we all forgot that “hospital time” is not exact. They do things — even scheduled things — around other things. So our 1:00 pm scheduled extubation turned into 2:28 pm. I trusted the medical staff (although it turned out not to be who we were told it would be) would see that she was not in pain, but we still didn’t know if there would be any gasping and gagging and who knows. I was confident that it would not be a long time after. I saw the MRI of the trachea/esophagus area. Nurses and doctors helped convince me that it would be quick. Well it was not. We are going into our 29th hour.  While my mom is so medicated she doesn’t know what is going on and she feels no pain . . . this is NOT what she would have wanted. Lingering on. In fact every visitor that came to visit her while I was there, her answer to their comment of “I’m praying for you.” was “Pray that I don’t linger.” Again, I am at a loss.

Yes, we all have ideas as to why she has not died . . . . she is not ready . . . . she is doing it in her own time (something we call Natural Time in Nia) . . . ALL TYPES of ideas . . . but really we don’t know. All that I know is that this is really hard on my dad. This is not a case where she might revive and be ok. This is not a hopeful, “Oh, I’ll sit by your bedside until you are awake.” This is a grueling death watch. Judge me anyway you want, I left last night. I didn’t want to see her as I know she would not want to be. I didn’t want to hear the “death rattle”. Ugh!  Since it is hard on my dad, if it drags on until the weekend I will go back up.

Well, this post is way longer than I like to have my post, but I really wanted to let you know what the status is. Also . . . I guess it helps to write it out. One more thing . . . I believe that I would not have been able to handle this if it weren’t for all of you. So many people have “come out of the wood work” to share and support and deliver sparkles. So thank you all for sharing and caring and giving. I have not been told I am loved or said, “I love you” this much in as many days before in my life.

Please keep up with those thoughts, prayers, stories, sparkles, and all that jazz.  It REALLY helps!


Posted in Diane Bacho | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments »

Sense Your . . . . .

Posted by terrepruitt on June 8, 2013

In Nia we often say while dancing, “Everybody sense your . . . ”  (For more see: Nia White Belt Principle #13  Teaching What You Sense.)  This is to help bring attention to specific body parts.  It could be because we are doing a specific move and we want to have the student’s attention on that body part.  It could be that we feel a body part just needs attention.  It could be that we want the students to move in a different way.  Sensing a body part though does not require movement of that part.  If I were to say right now, “Everybody sense your hand.”  I wouldn’t necessarily mean for you to move your hand.  I mean for you to sense it.  Recently on Facebook I posted, “EveryBODY sense your trachea!!!!!! Breathe . . . . . . . .” and one of my friends asked HOW?  Fabulous question.  How do you sense your trachea?  No, really how do YOU sense your trachea?  How do you sense any of your body parts?

Dance Exercise, Nia, Nia at the City of San Jose, Nia classes in the South Bay, Nia Teacher, Nia Class, San Jose Nia, Nia San Jose, Nia workout, Nia, ZumbaAs I said, sensing a body part does not necessarily mean moving it.  It could, if that is how YOU bring attention to a part and if that is how YOU sense it.  It could mean you LOOK at it.  Maybe looking at it helps you sense it.  It could mean you touch it because you want to cause it sensation so that you can sense it.  There are many ways to sense a body part and we all have different ways of doing it.  Some might start with closing their eyes and picturing it in their head.  Some might just think of it and be able to sense it right away.  Part of the practice is the discovery of how we sense different body parts.

For sensing your trachea I thought that one way an individual could do it was by breathing.  That might help you sense your trachea.  Sensing your breath coming in and out might help.  Maybe coughing would help?  Maybe meditating on it?  Maybe touching it?  There really are so many ways to do it and it is up to the individual.  Sensing body parts could even take practice.  Maybe each body part is different.  Perhaps you can easily sense your hand without looking at it, moving it, or touching it, but since you might not often “sense your trachea” it could take a little bit of thought and practice.  Again . . . . the wonderful journey that is Nia and sensing your body.

Often times we don’t even give a second thought to a body part, unless it is in pain.  Unless it SCREAMS at us for attention we might never stop to listen to it.  We might never stop to sense it.  There are so many reasons to sense your body . . . I have already stated just a few that might come up while in a Nia Class.  I am sure you can think of many others.

This is one of the things we do in Nia that can be carried out into life and as we like to call it as we “dance through life”.  This is one of the things you can do that makes Nia “practice”.  You can practice sensing your body parts throughout the day.  Back to the “pain” part of attention . . . say you have pain in your knee, you are going to want to sense it as you move throughout your day so that you can move in a way as to not cause more pain.  Another example if you’re wanting to straighten up your posture a little bit you might want to practice sensing your spine or your shoulders during your day.  As I said, many reason to play with and practice sensing your body parts.  And it really is an individual thing.  You do it in your own way.

Starting with body parts you can see and touch might be a good place to start if you are needing a suggested starting point. That way looking or touching can be the beginning of the sensing journey.  Either way, if you let yourself be open to it, I am sure you will find a way.

So how do YOU sense your trachea?

Posted in Nia | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »