Terre Pruitt's Blog

In the realm of health, wellness, fitness, and the like, or whatever inspires me.

  • I teach Nia, yoga and stretch! SIX group classes a week!

    Nia: Tues and Thurs at 9 am, Fri at 10:15 am

    Yoga: Tues at 10:30 am and Thurs at 6:00 pm

    Stretch: Thurs at 10:15 am

    Please see my website for details! I sub for the City of San Jose and the YMCA so check my website for dates and times!

    I am also available for private Nia / yoga / Personal Training!

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • My Bloggey Past

  • ******

    Chose a month above to visit archives, or click below to visit a page.

Death, It Is So Very Personal

Posted by terrepruitt on June 14, 2014

Dance Exercise, Nia, Nia at the City of San Jose, Nia classes in the South Bay, Nia Teacher, Nia Class, San Jose Nia, Nia San Jose, Nia workout, Nia, Zumba, PiYo, Gentle YogaEveryone is so different.  We all have different ways of doing a lot of things.   Sometimes we can see things the same way in order to function.  We can get along or just go along with ideas and customs to just have peace.  Or we can do it for a loved one.  But it seems like when it comes to death and our beliefs around it there is sometimes a huge separation.  You can be going along in life completely meshing up with everyone around you and then someone dies and BAM!  You suddenly don’t agree on anything.  The way we all handle death is so different.  I understand the five stages of grief*, “popularly known by the acronym DABDA”, (although, I have never heard it called that).  I am not saying that I understand each stage in the sense that I have experienced them, I am saying I understand that someone has identified these as stages people grieving might go through.  But what people do during these stages and after is still very individualized.  Everyone deals with grief differently, I understand that, although I do not agree with how everyone deals with it as you might have guessed if you read Grief Is a Very Personal Thing, where I say people grieve differently and as long as they aren’t mean or causing harm I don’t like to label their behavior unacceptable.  This post is not so much about behavior, I don’t think.  I know that many people want their loved ones near or they want to be able to visit their loved ones, but I am not one of those people.  I think of my loved ones as being gone . . . so having their remains near by is just odd to me.

Today I was trying to concentrate on learning a Nia routine and it is one that has the Nia participant turning to face all four walls.  So that means I turn to each four walls in the room.  I found myself facing the ashes of loved ones at two of the walls.  The first and second wall, so by the time I got to the third and fourth wall I was lost in other thoughts.  I had been avoiding the room upon my travels through the house.  Normally I walk into this room to get to the back rooms because it is the softer path, but I had been avoiding it.  But this is the best, the largest room to practice in so I was doing my Nia practice in it.  But it just happens to have three of my relatives in it.  I don’t care for that.

As I type all three of them are at my back.  I bet I would not be as conscious of it had I not seen a post on Facebook from a friend who is pretty confident she did not receive the correct ashes of her pet.  She posted a picture of the paw print of what she received compared to the pet she had.  She has similarly sized pets still so she compared paws.  The mold she received was at LEAST four times larger.  And she went onto say that she has about three cups of ash.  She said she thought her pet would be about one.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It got me thinking.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  How many cups of people are in this house.  WHAT????????????  Sigh.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Breathe.

Whew.  People are so different.  Many people have loved one’s ashes.  In fact, they sell beautiful urns to contain these ashes.  We’ve (probably) all seen those horrendous comedy TV shows where someone has accidentally spilled the ashes all over.  Breathe.

I just don’t know what to think about that.  I am working on letting people do what they need to do.  But, I personally don’t need to do it.  I think that tomorrow I will workout in another room — and probably from here on out.  I — don’t care to have THAT kind of reminder of my loved ones around.  To each their own.  And let everyone be . . .

Donna, thanks for always making me laugh, even if it is particularly in horror.

Thoughts?  What are your thoughts about this?  Are you an ashes and urn type of person?  Please feel free to share your feelings.  I’ve shared mine.

*The five stages of grief (according to Wiki):

  1. Denial — As the reality of loss is hard to face, one of the first reactions to follow the loss is Denial.
  2. Anger — “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame?”; “Why would God let this happen?”
  3. Bargaining — “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”
  4. Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon so what’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
  5. Acceptance “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”

 

4 Responses to “Death, It Is So Very Personal”

  1. niachick said

    No, I’m not an ashes and urn kind of person. Well, let me quantify that. My husband and I will both be cremated upon our deaths. So in that respect I am an ashes and urn kind of person, but I don’t want anyone keeping my ashes around. Those relatives who have been cremated were in urns that were purposely broken open and buried in the ground with some kind of a keepsake. I do not keep ashes of wondrous pets either. Death for me is part of the cycle of life. When the physical body passes away, the spirit is still very much present and moves on to its next adventure. So there ya have it. Thank you for sharing!!

    Like

    • Jill, thanks for commenting. I just want to let you know that I have edited this post a bit because I noticed I forgot to include the post I meant to referrence and I added some to the part about my friend’s pet because it was not clear. I was watching a movie while posting.

      I am beginning to think of myself as very Klingon when it comes to the body after death. Ha, that is probably a more recognized belief system then any religious one. 😉 Thank you for sharing your thoughts it is nice to know that I am not the only one that is not one to want to have them around.

      MUAH!

      Like

  2. Betty Galloway said

    I don’t think I would want to retain the ashes of a loved one, human anyway, in my house. I do have multiple pets ashes. My Dad was cremated and we had a memorial service a week later with the urn present then burial of the urn. I plan to be cremated and my ashes combined with those of my beloved pets and scattered at a location significant to me. But I would also find seeing loved ones urns with ashes quite disconcerting.

    Like

    • Betty, thanks for commenting. I just want to let you know that I have edited this post a bit because I noticed I forgot to include the post I meant to referrence and I added some to the part about my friend’s pet because it was not clear. I was watching a movie while posting.

      A lot of people have ashes of deceased loved ones. I do not believe I am that type of person. At this point. Perhaps I will change my thoughts when my pet dies or if I suffer more deaths of people. If any more happen this year, I might just make a shrine.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

      Like

Let me hear it. What have you got to say about this post?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: