Terre Pruitt's Blog

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Clearing Up Death

Posted by terrepruitt on December 6, 2014

In addition to oiling my buffet in preparation for Christmas Decorations, I also took down all the “Death Cards”.  The top of the buffet was crammed full of cards I received because of the deaths that have occurred this year.  If you have read my blog for a bit you probably know about my mom dying.  She died in April.  It was sudden to me, yet it dragged out for 10 days while she waited, with a tube in her throat, unable to speak, for the doctors to take the tube out so she could die.  But then she didn’t die for another 11 days.  I have a separate page here on my blog for her.  You are probably aware of the death of our cat.  She was so sweet.  I like to think she was an angel and I will see her again.  I know she did a lot for the people she encountered.  But you might not know about my brother.  Yeah, he was the first one to die.  He died in January.  I got a call from my niece saying he was dead.

Dance Exercise, Nia, Nia at the City of San Jose, Nia classes in the South Bay, Nia Teacher, Nia Class, San Jose Nia, Nia San Jose, Nia workout, Nia, Zumba, PiYo, Gentle Yoga, Group Ex City of San Jose, San Jose Group Ex classes, YMCANow, I haven’t mentioned my brother because at the time there was some legal issues or more accurately there COULD have been legal issues.  My brother was a widower and a single parent.  He and his daughter lived in another state and we needed to get her guardianship and all that stuff taken care of before word got out.  My niece has life goals so she wanted to finish her school year up where she lived before she relocated.  So she was top priority.  By the time everything was straightened out AND I felt like sharing about his death, my mom got sick.  I literally was going to post about my brother that week.

My mom was waiting to die for a long time (as I mentioned).  She went in the hospital for one thing, she was told they could “fix it”, but then they decided they couldn’t and told her she had to decide when to die.  Not an easy choice.  She picked a day and it didn’t go as they had thought.  So that was another process.  During all of this I was focused on her.  And I thought that (think that) the way people die in the United States is so horrific, I was writing posts about that.  I was dealing with all of that.  I was not sharing about my brother.

Then, our cat died.  As I have mentioned in other posts, I am not really a writer.  I had never really experienced the “release” people get from writing or journaling.  But with posting about my mom and the cat I kinda understood.  Plus, it is soooo amazingly helpful to get support from people all over, close-in-person friends as well as people who I have never met face-to-face but have online relationships with.  So I was supported by that.

Now my mom’s memorial is over.  People keep questioning me about getting another cat.  With life moving on, I feel I am ready to share.  I feel I need to tell the world about my brother’s death.  Since I shared about all the other deaths, his should not go unmentioned.

I thought it would be appropriate to share now, while I am putting away all the cards of love — because that is what they really are.  They are notes and cards of expressions of love ABOUT death.  It was so heart-warming to have received those tokens.  It is nice to have them still.

For those that want more details, because death makes us curious, my brother was 48, he was not in the best of health and he died of an aneurysm.  It is ok to be curious.  That is human nature.  You are welcome to ask more questions if you want.  I reserve the right to answer them in a reply on my blog or privately via e-mail, though.  There might be more posts in the future . . . but for now here it is.

My awesome neice has since been relocated and is doing well.  She is awesome because life at her age is “hard” enough without all the stuff she has been given to deal with.  We have yet to see how it all turns out.

So, take a moment, if you knew my brother or not . . . . . thanks.

Steven L. Bacho 06.18.1965 – 01.17.14

28 Responses to “Clearing Up Death”

  1. Sonja said

    Oh Terre, I’m so sorry about you having yet another loss…and not being able to close that chapter until now. When I first saw the photo, I really can see the resemblance to you in his face. If you want to borrow our two kitties for a weekend, let me know!! We are thinking about you, and although we don’t see you both very often, Rene and I talk about you. I enjoy your blog, and it’s like catching up, so thanks!


  2. Wow, so many transitions for you…I did not know about your brother. My heart surrounds you with love as you let go of all of the death cards. This is the first Christmas without your mom, John’s mom or your brother or your kitty. Yet, life goes on and you and John have each other — I love your posts (both yours and John’s). They either make me laugh or cry and always they acknowledge the love that exists in the world…between us…and it really doesn’t matter that I’ve never met you in person. Much love to you.


    • Jill, not that I expect you to remember, but we did exchange e-mails about my brother dying when he died. It was on the day he died. Again, I don’t expect you to remember, I only remember I told you because you are one of the few people I told. (I only remember the date because I looked at my e-mails.) This is the first Christmas without all those loved ones, but the third Christmas without John’s mom.

      I love Christmas. As I posted on Facebook, opening all of my decorations is like getting hundreds of presents. My stuff is not packed very organized so sometimes I will pick up a wad of tissue paper not know what it holds and – voila – a beautiful something!

      I miss them every day, but little things like Christmas decorations help — sparkle, beauty, fun . . .

      Thank you for reading my blog and commenting. Nice to know when someone is reading.

      And that, John guy, he is funny! 😉

      Love you!


      • Oh Terre, I’m so sorry that I did not remember…funny thing is that I recognized his picture…his pic looked familiar.

        Please show more pics of your decorations!! I would love to see them.

        Much love to you, Terre.



        • 🙂 Oh no need at all to apologize. It is impossible to remember everything. We just happened to be in an e-mail conversation at the time my brother died so I told you. I think there was this inspirational group e-mail thing, plus I had posted about wanting prayers on Facebook so you had asked why.

          No way people can remember everything about other people’s lives and keep track of their own too. I understand and it is okey dokey!

          I am still working on my decorations. I will get some pictures tomorrow and post. This year it is arranged a little differently so things are going in new spots and . . . well, sometimes it just takes a bit.

          XO Thank you for your support — always!


  3. Cheryl McGovern said

    Dear Terre, thank you for sharing the information about Steven’s death. I
    loved him and remember how sweet he was as a young boy and loving father.
    I had wondered about his death and hoped to learn more about it when the time was right. Looking forward to seeing Wednesday for Nia 🎄


  4. Michele said

    Taking a moment for your brother, I did then and I’ll do it again with this post. Merry Christmas my friend let the sparkle lift you up and here’s to a better 2015!! Did I just say 2015?!?!?! How can that be?!?!?! xoxoxoxoxo


  5. Cathy Schlieter said

    LOVE this picture of your brother! This is how I remember him. I was shocked and at a loss to learn of his death. I remember our youth – spending time at your house and he was ‘bothering us’ – albeit I also had a crush on him . I will always have memories of your mom and your brother. You and your family made a huge influence in my life. I always admired the love and acceptance from your family. I admire you and your strength and purpose. You and your family were a big – huge- part of my early years. Like family to me. Tears and hugs- Wishing we connect in person again soon. Thank you for sharing.


    • I know you were shocked. I am sorry. Had I thought about it, I would have told you before the memorial . . . but then, I wasn’t thinking about my brother being part of it so . . . I don’t know. I am sorry about that.

      You were like my sister and I was so, so sad when you moved.

      Thank you for reading and commenting. HUGS to you!


  6. Laura Lewandowski said

    Dear Terre, I’m so glad you are now able to go ‘public’ with your brother’s death. I hope this helps the process of grief for you and for your family. I just couldn’t believe when you told me that he had died, it just didn’t seem real. Now that I’ve lost a friend my age, I’m afraid I’ve come to accept that life can end suddenly for any of us. Your niece is so beautiful and looks so much like a Bacho! I see the young Terre I grew up with when I look at her photos you post. I’m so glad you have each other, I can’t imagine a more fun, loving aunt than youself.

    My memories of Steven are that of awe and wonder. 🙂 He was a giant mystery to me, I was an outsider looking in. You were my only childhood friend with an older brother (actually any brother!) And having no brothers of my own and no real interactions with any boys, I had a big crush on him, of course. I had decided that my favorite boy name was Steven and that I would marry a Steven. I remember his 70’s rock music he’d listen to, his bell bottom jeans, and his comb he’d keep in his back pocket to comb his long hair. He teased you, I remember too, as only a big brother can. But I also remember he cared for you and looked out for you. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. -Laura


    • Yeah, I am finding out a lot of my friends had a crush on him and some had more than that. 🙂

      Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. That is very much appreciated.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      So nice to hear from my childhood best friends. (You and Cathy) Thank you.


  7. Corrine Caparros said

    Terre, I’m truly at a loss for words, yet I wanted you to know that I read your blog. I’m deeply sorry to hear of all of the turmoil in your life, yet I am genuinely amazed at your obviously bright outlook on life day to day by reading your other posts. You’re a special ray of sunshine even on the cloudy days. Sending you virtual hugs around your delicate angel wings… ~Cori


    • Wow. Hi, Dear Sweet Beautiful Cori. (That is how I think of you! Really, it is!) Thank you for letting me know you read my blog. Wow.

      DEFINITELY a lot of turmoil, but, honestly, not as much as some other people. It is ok. Death is a part of life. And certain beliefs can make it easier to accept. I am clinging to the hope that my cat is an angel. 🙂

      I have a lot of people that have loved me through the turmoil. Their kind words and strength have supported me. I have been amazed. Thank you for your kind words. I love hugs around delicate angel wings . . . (love that) thank you!


  8. Carol Hamilton said

    What a deeply emotional year it has been for you and your family, Terre. You have an amazing spirit, and have become very wise. I send hugs and healing energy to you.


    • It was a surprise start to the year, I will say that. One year we had three deaths in a row, but it was at the end of the year . . . made the Holidays “interesting”.

      Well, get back here and give me hugs in person! 🙂


  9. Christine said

    Terre, you are actually a beautiful writer. You can add that to your resume of good friend, wonderful daughter, loved aunt, beautiful wife… the list goes on. You have gone through a lot this year and held it together with grace and strength. Love you.


    • Awwwwwwww. So sweet. Made me teary-eyed!

      There were a few times when I was sorry I couldn’t be there for you and what you had going on . . . . but death . . . especially the way my mom died (and so many people die) is pretty “all” consuming.

      Thank you.

      Love you, too!


  10. stephen neathery said

    hi terre, I find inspiration in your writings, your strength and courage through it all is amazing… I have been sitting here thinking back all those years ago in the neighborhood and I have always remembered what a great young lady you are… kind and for real… I knew steve, we had hung out many times back then… nothing happens by accident, I am so sorry for your losses, you are in my thoughts and prayers.


  11. pegbur7 said

    Wow! You have had quite a year. I am so sorry about all your losses. Any one of them is hard but all those crammed within a few months is horrible. Take care of yourself emotionally. It make take a while to heal. Allow yourself the time. HUGS to you.


  12. Terre, I’m so sorry to hear about so much loss in such a short amount of time. My heart goes out to you…


  13. Angelica said

    Dear Terre, I am sorry to know that your brother too has passed on. Bless his soul and may he rest in peace.
    Sdnding you much LOVE, Angelica.


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