Years back I created policies for the classes I teach. There are always different people and different circumstances, so it is important to have polices in place. So, I had these policies in place, but, like I said – people, circumstances – so once when I encountered “people – circumstances” I allowed something against my policy. Then I was upset. I thought about it for days. I was sad, I was mad, I was annoyed. I was upset. I was upset that this person asked me to break my policy. I was upset that I allowed it. I was upset that I took time to think long and hard about my policies and that I took the time, the effort, and the money to print and post disclosure of said polices. I was upset because when someone attends my Nia class at the studio I rent they sign a sign-in sheet stating they agree to the policies. I was upset that I felt unfair to everyone else that complies to the policy and doesn’t even ask to break the policy. I was so grumpy. I resented the entire situation — FOR DAYS! Then I realized, I let it happen. In trying to be nice and allowing the person to break my policy I ended up being REALLY upset. I created something I didn’t enforce. When I do something nice I love the feeling it gives me. I feel nice. I feel as if I am spreading joy. And this nice thing I did, did not make me feel nice. It made me feel stupid. I put all this effort into polices and then I just disregarded them. I learned my lesson. There are polices for a reason. Recently I enforced my polices and I found myself wanting validation. So in sharing my story with a friend she told me, “Don’t resent what you allow.”
See? That is what I figured out long ago. I was so resentful that I allowed a break in policy. I realized that in order to not be resentful I have to stick to my policy. So when I shared with a friend the fact that I just stuck to my polices because I hadn’t once before then I was upset, she said it in this succinct way and told me the story of how she learned it and who told her. She said her friend had told her this when she was having an issue with something she allowed to happen.
Obviously you CAN resent something you allow, but the idea is to avoid that. If you are going to resent it, don’t allow it. So even though I didn’t say it that way, I learned it. I was visiting with a different friend today and we happened upon this same subject. We shared some stories. I was not certain about posting this but then when the subject came up again today, on the day I need to post, I decided it was serendipity.
One huge part in helping me stick to my policies is fairness. If one person asks for an exception and I allow it, then when that same situation happens with someone else in order to be fair I would need to pass on the same exception. But that is not a wise business practice. Policies are made for a reason. In the case of class passes there are multiple reasons. When a class pass is purchased in advance it helps the teacher with business expenses, like licensing, insurance, and rental fees. But first and foremost is it supposed to help motivate the student to attend class. The idea is “you already paid for it, you might as well go to class.” It is encouragement to stick to your fitness routine. So often times, having the policies broken cheats you, too. Because why do you need to go to class to use the pass before it will expire if you know that the expiration will just be extended?
When policies are in place and they are clearly disclosed everyone feels better because they know what is expected.
So that is my story with “Don’t resent what you allow.” Even though I learned the saying AFTER I learned the lesson, I still like it.
What about you? Do you know what I am talking about? Do you resent some things you allow? Is there some changes that you could – would like to – make, in order to be less resentful?
Terre Pruitt's Blog 